Tue
Mar
3
I need to get out of here. in 48 hours i will be in Fort Myers Florida with Sheenie!!!!!!!!!!!! Ps, erin that dog is ugly.
Sheenie said its 80+ there, and considereing this mornnig when i went to kickboxing at 6am the temp was 3 degrees out, and i almost fell on my ass because of the ice in our driveway, I need the 80+ weather RIGHT NOW!!!
I also dont want to answer my phone anymore, considering the last time i did i answered like an asshole and it was a director from Brooklyn SCO asking for information I was actually writing in an email to her at the time, but i dont think she believed me. And i was nice to her and all, just like was asked of me, however She totally thought i was BS-ing her when I said just give me 3 minutes and i will send you that email. In a way she was right. it took me 7 minutes. :-(
OK- Im exhausted. All I want to do is go to sleep, but thats the only thing I cant do. I wish there was a way for me to pause life, just so I can catch up. At this rate, I will be old and wrinkly by April 1 because of lack of sunlight, sleep, and social interaction. I think im starting to dream while Im awake too.
Have you ever looked at people, or decisions, or after you say something you think, I dont know why, but I know that what i just did, or said, or saw, is going to matter in a few days. Even little things. Like you notice that your nail clipper is on your dresser when you are looking for your keys. you stare at that clipper just long enough to realize this is going to matter but think, why do i care about a stupid nail clipper, I need my keys, I am going to miss my train. Then about 2 weeks later, you need to find that nail clipper, and you cant remember where it is and then you notice your keys on your bed, and WAAMM, You say “I saw the nail clipper when I was looking for you, keys! where was it?” and then you remember, its on the dresser.
Okay bad example i guess- how bout this- you take your id out of your wallet to buy cigarettes for your roomate at 711. as youre taking it out, you seem to pay particular attention that you put it in the pocket of your black sweatpants, not sure why because you never carry your wallet with you. DAAAAYYYS later, you are driving around, just as normal, and you get pulled over. As you go to reach into your wallet to get your license, (and your PBA cards) you remember, SHIT. ITs in my black sweatpants. Problem is, the officer is not impressed that you know exactly where it is and youre not wearing your black sweatpants now.
Wed
Feb
4
I hate talking to people that I dont like or respect. And its not even like I am getting paid all that much to be nice to these people. (I just dont want to get my ass beat.) I feel like screaming,
“YOU CANT JUST WAKE UP ONE DAY AND DECIDE YOU WANT TO BE A PARENT TO YOUR SON WHO IS UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND YOU UNTIL YOU BUY HIM SOMETHING. IF YOU MEANT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING TO ME RIGHT NOW WE NEVER WOULD HAVE MET. YOUR SON WOULD NOT BE UPSET ABOUT MISSING A DAY OF HIS AFTER SCHOOL PROGRAM AND HE WOULD BE SO EXCITED TO COME AND SEE YOU THAT HE WOULDNT BE ABLE TO BEHAVE HIMSELF AT SCHOOL ON DAYS THAT HE HAS A VISIT WITH YOU.”
But, hes not excited. He would rather stay at school and DO his homework. And last week, he wouldnt have BEGGED his foster mother not to make him come to visit you.
Its bad enough I hold my breath in order to maintain control of myself when I talk to these people, but when i see a 7 year old do it too, it breaks my heart. Sign your freakin rights over you selfish bitch. You arent getting him back, and forcing him to see you is just going to make him hate you.
